Streams of Mercy...

:Adopt: 

"to choose to take as one's own; make one's own by selection; to take or receive into any kind of new relationship." 

"to affirm, embrace, seize, take over"

           My name is Hillary and I am currently working at Lifeline! I just joined the family a few weeks ago and I am so happy to be blogging today!
           A few weeks ago I was asked to blog about my adoption story. So my prayer is that you are encouraged and filled up with the Father’s love and affection for you as you read what He has done in my life!
           At six weeks old, I was adopted into a wonderful family. I have a wonderful mother, father, and older brother. Through the years I have also gained a sister-in-law and a niece and a nephew who is due in a few months!
            I always knew I was adopted. My parents always told me I was adopted, and always wanted me to know. They always told me I was theirs from the beginning and that they never wanted to keep it from me. The funny thing is when I tell people I am adopted, they look very surprised because I look a lot like my mom and dad! Even my best friend in high school didn’t believe I was adopted!
            I grew up in an amazing and loving home. My family is very important to me and I am so thankful that the Lord chose them to be my family. Through the Lord, I have been blessed with a huge family on my dad’s side (30+ cousins!) and a small, loving and caring family on my mom’s side. There was never a time in my life that I didn’t feel loved by my family. My mom tells me stories of the first day they brought me home from the agency. She told me of the many family members and friends that came by the house the first day I was home. So it is safe to say, I was loved from the moment my parents brought me home.
            Again, I went through life always knowing I was adopted. Though at a young age I didn’t really understand what that meant. As I became older, I grew more and more interested about my birth mom. We did not have much information on her except we knew she was a young teenager when she became pregnant. When I was in 10^th grade, I became even more interested in finding out who my birth mother is. My English teacher in high school gave a persuasive writing assignment one day in class. A topic that was listed was “Open v Closed Adoption.” She approached me and said that she thought I would like to write on this because she knew I was adopted. From there, I began researching about open and closed adoption which led me to contacting my adoption agency to ask them about these topics. A long story short, I finished the paper with a greater knowledge on these topics but also with a new interest.
            After I finished the paper, I remember riding in the car with my mom and asking her about possibly contacting my birth mom. At first, I was nervous because I didn’t want to hurt my parents by asking them about my birth mom. But again, I know the Lord chose them to be my parents for a reason. From the very beginning, my parents have been 110% supportive. I know this process was extremely hard for them. I knew it was going to be hard to somewhat, let me go and find out “who I am.” While in the car, my mom told me that I had a letter that my birth mother had written me. At the time I didn’t know that I had a letter, so I was really anxious to read it. The agreement was that when I turned 18, I would be able to read the letter.
            So fast forward a few years and it is my 18^th birthday. My parents handed me a handwritten letter that my birth mother had written 18 years ago. At first I didn’t cry when I read it, but a few months later, I sat down by myself and read the letter again and began to cry. I cried because my birth mother told me how much she loved me and that she wanted the best for me. I cried because I saw how a young teenager had to make such a grown-up decision. Reading her letter made me realize that she had to give up a lot in order that I could live and have a life she wanted me to have. I never had a doubt that my birth mother didn’t love me. And through the letter, I began seeing not only her heart but the Lord’s heart for me.

I will not leave you as orphans;

I will come to you.

-John 14:18

            The letter sparked many thoughts about where I came from and what my birth mother was like. When I turned 19, I was able to access my file at the adoption agency and begin searching for my birth mother. It took a few months but when we found her, I really wanted to communicate with her. Through the social worker at the agency, my birth mother and I were able to communicate through emails. She told me where she has been the past few years and what she was doing now. She even sent me current pictures of her and her family. It was really neat being able to see what she looks like and getting to see that she has a family of her own! I was able to tell her about myself through emails, but I felt that I was unable to communicate what I was feeling. I expressed to her that I really would like to have a phone call with her and be able to talk verbally. So a few months pass, and the time came for she and I to talk on the phone. I was nervous, excited, along with other emotions. When she picked up the phone, it was awkward at first, but then we began talking. One thing I will never forget from the phone call is that Jen (my birth mom) told me that she never forgot about me and that she always thought of me. I knew that she probably thought of me but hearing her say that just made me stand back and realize the sacrifice she made 20 years ago. I explained to her that I really wanted to talk on the phone so that I could express how thankful I am. I was able to share with her what the Lord had done in my life because of the choice she made 20 years ago. I told her that I really wanted to meet her so I could thank her in person. I will always remember that day and how I became even more thankful for God’s sovereignty not only in my life, but in Jen’s life as well.
            So what does being adopted mean to me? Being adopted has added a lot to my life. I probably wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Jen’s decision. About two years ago, the Lord really opened my eyes to what being adopted means. Going back to the letter she wrote me, seeing how much she truly loved me, the Lord opened my eyes to see that just like Jen, He too had given up so much for me to live. He had given up His Son so that I could live and have the life He always wanted me to have. He too faced the pain, of given up someone that He loved so dearly so that other’s might live. He has dreams for me and plans for me that I cannot even fathom. Though I was saved at age 13, I began to fall in love with the Lord even more through this new journey in my life. As I tried to process all of what the Lord was showing me, He revealed even more to me! He brought these verses to my mind:

“For you formed my inward parts;

You knitted me together in my

Mother’s womb.

I praise You, for I am fearfully and

wonderfully made.

Wonderful are Your works;

My soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden

from You,

when I was made in the secret,

intricately woven in the depths of

the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed

substance;

in Your book were written, every one

Of them,

The days that were formed for me,

When as yet there was none of them.”

-Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)

Though I had heard and read this verse many times in my life, this was the first time I began to actually see this verse come alive. The Lord began reminding me that He had (and still has) a plan for me even before I was thought of, even before He created the universe, before all these things, He knew me. I began to cry thinking of how great the Father is! The days that are before me now, “…were formed for me.” You and I have a purpose here. I wasn’t some mistake in a teenager’s life and you weren’t a mistake either. The Lord began to pour His thoughts into my mind and tell me that He has a plan for my life. In the midst of graduating college, trying to find a job, a place to live, in all the craziness, He, the Creator of everything you and I see, has a plan not just for me, but for every single person. He has a plan that is better than anything I can ever imagine. Knowing that my future is in the hands of a Sovereign and Faithful God quieted my anxious heart. My heart became so full of how He has orchestrated every single detail in my life (big and small). 

Being adopted has opened so many doors in my life. I have been able to connect with others around me, and tell them my story. I have also been given so many opportunities in my life. I have been blessed with an amazing family and friends. I have been able to go on several mission trips and most importantly, I have been able to hear the gospel proclaimed throughout my life. Through Jen’s self-less decision, and through the Lord’s renewing mercies, I have been given “a hope and a future.”

For [the Spirit which] you have now received [is] not a

spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear,

but you have received the Spirit of adoption

[the Spirit producing sonship]

in [the bliss of] which

we cry, Abba (Father)! Father!

-Romans 8:15 (Amplified Bible)

Throughout this journey, the Lord has given me a heart for the orphans in our world today. He has also given me a burden for the young women who find themselves in a crisis pregnancy or who have taken the route of abortion. The Lord opened my eyes to see how these women need Him just as much as you and I do. Though I rejoice that the Lord has saved me, I don’t need to just stop there. I need to, as Psalm 107:2 says, “Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story…” I need to tell my story to as many that will hear. He has brought life into these bones so that I may proclaim Him in all that I do. So, through our rejoicing, let us also lift up a mighty roar to Heaven with our prayers for those who have yet to know who Jesus is and proclaim Him as their Savior! Again, He has created us for a higher purpose!

            Many asked me during the process of finding my birth mom, “What if she doesn’t want to know anything about you?” or “What if she doesn’t want to talk to you?” Though I had asked myself the same questions, the Lord calmed my fears with His voice of Truth. He reminded me that even if Jen didn’t want to know anything about me or didn’t want to have communication with me, it doesn’t matter. My identity isn’t in what other people tell me. My identity is found in the Father. He sees me as His child and calls me His beloved, and if all others forsake me, He will remain the same. I have seen the gospel more clearly even through these past few years. I have seen how my life, without Christ, is just like the orphans we work with. I was hopeless, fatherless, and homeless. But through the Lord’s Sovereign hand, I have been given hope, a family, and now, a new name. What an amazing Father you and I have!

But when the time arrived that set by God the Father,

God sent His Son, born among us of a woman,

born under the conditions of the law

so that He might redeem those of us who have been

kidnapped by the law.

Thus we have been set free to experience our rightful heritage.

You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted

as His own children because God sent the Spirit of His Son

into our lives crying out, "Papa! Father!"

Doesn't that privilege of intimate conversation 

with God make it plain that 

you are not a salve,

but a child?

And if you are a child, you're 

also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance.

-Galatians 4:4-7 (The Message)

Hillary Dickey, Administrative Assistant

You will never be too old to want a family...

I read the below blog post on the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption website several months ago. The words of this young women so moved me that I wanted to share it with our Lifeline family. If you are interested in our foster care program, please contact the office and ask to speak with someone in our Foster Care Department.

Amy Griner, Domestic Social Worker

 

You will never be too old to want a family...

After unpacking my belongings on Taylor University’s campus in 2004, I melted onto my twin-sized bed in relief; I was officially an adult. Starting that August day, I was financially and emotionally on my own. There would be no more moving homes, no more veiled threats, no more walking on already cracked eggshells around new people. Two days later, it hit me that the oft uttered “on my own” was a mere euphemism for the estimated 29,000 children who will age of foster care this year and will be “all alone.” I was paralyzed by the knowledge that there would be no one to check on my well-being, no financial safety net, and no one to help navigate various barriers in place on a college campus. That first year was terrifying. I was alone, depressed, broke, and furious that, at 18, the system just dumped me.

While I could speak volumes on the aging out process and the system, this not a commentary about a foster care system under increasing pressure to find permanent homes for the hundreds of thousands of children in foster care. This is a post for the families. An ode of sorts for those who give with no ulterior motives, who never stop inviting people into their homes and their hearts, who never lock their refrigerators, and who endlessly and (some might say) recklessly pour into the lives of foster youth.

I was a sophomore in college when I found my forever family; well past the age of “adoptability.” I had long given up on finding a family and was focused on just “making it” when I miraculously stumbled into a loud, boisterous, laughter-filled, caring, and passionate family. It started when I came home with my “sister” for Thanksgiving to escape the dull of the dorms. They were the craziest, loudest, biggest family I’d ever had the pleasure of hanging out with. I came back for Christmas, New Year, and Easter. Each year for every holiday, I was invited back. In 2009, I reached a milestone. Five years was the longest I had ever spent with any family in my life; after that, it was just icing on the cake.

I won’t lie and say that it was easy to come into a new family at 19. It was awkward at first. I spent most of my time during the holidays quietly devouring books so as not to disturb the family dynamics and so I wouldn’t mess things up. Eventually though, my cousins conned me into one of their silly games, my “sister” would flop dramatically on my lap, an Indianapolis Colts game would be on, or we would all just gather for a few moments to listen to Grandma and Grandpa talk or pray for the family. I wept over simple things like actually having a stocking at Christmas, and family members who spelled my name correctly. Our relationship functioned much like a call and response — and they always responded. 

As time has gone on, things have also gotten “real.” As a family, we mourned the loss of close friends from Taylor, and later, the loss of our grandmother. I battled with my own trust issues and the wondered if I was “good enough” for my family. I often hid my struggles from them in an effort to prevent rejection. Eventually my own strength failed me: I reached out to the family who surrounded me with love, prayer, and grace as I battled through my first year of law school. They were beside me during the midnight calls, the times of self-doubt, and the two weeks that make up finals week.

The value of my family comes from the extraordinary things they do that they believe to be ordinary. Like making dried apples, mixing homemade hot chocolate, giving me one of Grandma’s quilts, sculpting butter trees (don’t ask), talking all night, doing crossword puzzles, and eating grapefruit while watching “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” This year, I got to give Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gifts; and that is extraordinary. Most recently, while rushing out for work I glimpsed a letter in my mailbox from a member of my family letting me know that she thought I might like a nice note. Thank you Grandma S., I liked it very much. My family is not perfect, nor would they claim to be, but as many groups have stressed, you don’t have to be perfect, to be a family.

I write this blog to highlight a simple point: You will never be too old to want a family. My family is this wonderful, unexpected, hilarious, and compassionate gift from God and I feel honored to have them in my life. But it also saddens me that there are 107,000 other children waiting for their own imperfect family. Even more disheartening are the 29,000 children who will age out of foster care this year by stumbling into adulthood with little support.

So to the families who have heeded the call and continually open their homes to my many brothers and sisters in foster care … thank you, and may you inspire the masses.

By Sharde Armstong

(Sharde Armstrong, is currently a candidate for a Juris Doctor at New York University School of Law. She went to law school because of a belief that child welfare reform can often be accomplished via legislative and judicial action. Her interest in the foster care system stemmed from her own 12 years in foster care in Indiana and Michigan. After graduating from Taylor University in 2008 with a Bachelor’s in Psychology, she interned with the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and Senator John Kerry.)

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother

Two different lives shaped to make you one

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears

One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.

Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.
---- Unknown

I came across this poem of adoption not to long ago. I felt the words were so beautifully written to describe a child’s heritage, both past and present. An adopted child is not solely the product of the birth parents nor the adoptive parents but a combination of the two. No matter the child’s story whether they are adopted domestically or internationally, they will carry with them this heritage. They are a special creation that God has ordained for a special purpose. It is something to be valued and treasured.

Heather Schuck, International Social Worker

You already know...

“Lord, even before you say a word, you already know what I am going to say. You are all around me- in front and in back. You have your hand on me. Your knowledge is amazing to me. It is more than I can understand.”… “All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old.”

These verses, taken from Psalm 139 (vrs 4-5 and 16) have brought me so much comfort. And though, I have never been through the adoption process, I have recently become a mother, to a little girl who had a very rough start in this world. Our Heavenly Father knows what we are going to say.. He knows our thoughts, and knows our inmost being. He knows my weaknesses even better that I do. And before I even knew I need to call out for His strength, He is there, carrying me through. Take a second and think about these words again: “All the days planned for me were written in Your book before I was one day old.” How amazing is that? The thought that my Father is not surprised at anything that comes at me today, blows me away. He already knows the hardships, the trials, the difficulties, the successes, and the victories that we each will experience and go through… And you know? That knowledge helped me through a journey that I thought would never end. I mentioned earlier that my daughter had a rough start in this world. She was born at 28 weeks, about 2 months early. And spent almost 2 months in the NICU. A two months were every day was approached with uncertainty as to what will happen. She was born after me being in the hospital for 3 weeks on extreme bed rest. And Her little 2lb. 2 oz. self turned Cody(my husband) and my lives upside down immediately! And though when making a “birth plan” Abigail being two months early was nowhere on our radar. God knew. He wasn’t surprised one bit that day. He knew before Abigail was created that was going to be the beginning of her story. In just the same way our God was not surprised at my families journey.. He is not surprised by yours. Wherever you are in your life.

Whether you are in the adoption process , considering adoption, or at home facing the daily trials that come with being a parent. He is there, and He is not surprised. And He is there carrying you before you even know you need carrying. Don’t be afraid to fall into His arms.

Marie Collier
Administrative Coordinator

How One Day Can Change a Life

I did not know how much this day would change my life. Even after I went to sleep that night, I did not know how much it impacted me. But around 6 years later, this day would give me the strength to do something that I didn't know I had the strength to do. One day when I was 18 I walked into the kitchen, and my mom tells me she needed to tell me something. She proceeded to tell me that Lifeline called to tell her that my Birth Mother had contacted them and updated her contact information along with asked how I was doing. There are a few things that are vitally important about this: first, as an adopted child, it was good to hear that she was thinking of me. Second, my parents did not hide this information from me. They freely told me and shared with me, we talked about it. As adoptive parents my parents did a fantastic job of openness with me being adopted. There was no shame, awkwardness, or hiding in who I was and where I came from. Also a lot of adoptive parents probably wonder, will my adoptive child think about my birth mother all the time, feel like there is a piece missing, or feel like they do not belong. A lot of these questions only the adoptive parents themselves can help answer. How do you present the situation? How do you present your child being adopted to both others and the child herself? How do you talk about the birth mother? The person who sacrificed so that you could become parents? Adoptive parents need to have the security in the family that God brought together, to be open and transparent with their child. So the child can be open and transparent back. Growing up I prayed for my birth mother on a regular bases. I always knew she loved me that was never a question. My security in knowing this came from my parents’ security in talking to me about being adopted.

Two years ago (in 18 days) I walked into a room. Sitting in this room was a lady with the same eyes as me, the same nose as me, the same mannerisms, and the same love of Mexican food. Two years ago I met my birth mother, Tara. And I would not have had the strength to start the reunion process with out the conversation I had with my mom so many years ago. So, thank you mom and dad. Thank you for being secure in our relationship. You knew that God brought us together. And I was never afraid to talk to you about anything. And thank you Tara, for fighting your nerves and calling Lifeline, now 9 years ago to update your info. Thank you for the sacrifice you made 26 years ago. Thank you for loving me. And thank you for the relationship that we are building.

Twenty six years ago (in nineteen days) I was born. 26 years ago you made the greatest sacrifice of your life, all while making 2 parents dreams come true. Twenty six years later, I hope my life is all that you wanted, all that you dreamed it would be. A birth mother is never forgotten. Her sacrifice is appreciated and thought of every day.

Marie Collier
Administrative Assistant

Stocking Stuffer

Traditions have always been important to me. I enjoy things like going to the lake on Memorial Day and the 4th of July, having macaroni and cheese at both Christmas and Thanksgiving, and unpacking Christmas decorations on Thanksgiving after all the festivities and cleaning are done. But one of the best traditions happens on December 20. Don't go checking your calendars... there is most likely nothing there. This is my "got me day" (or to my parents "gotcha day"). On this day, almost 3 months after I was born, my parents met me for the first time. This happened here, in the Lifeline office, and ironically in the same room that I sit and work in every day.

Now I sit in the same room writing this blog.

I had spent the three months between my birthday and my "got me day" in an infant care provider home. For "got me day", the sweet couple made my mom and dad a stocking since it was so close to Christmas. They decorated the stocking with a snowman, a Christmas tree, and my parents' names. I laid in Lifeline's office, in a white bassinet, stuffed in a stocking until my parents came to meet me and bring me home.

Now the tradition begins!

Ever since that day, every December 20, my parents put me back in the same stocking to see how much I have grown. I have to say... I have not grown any taller in the past few years, but still--the tradition continues.

I am so glad it does!

In looking back, I can see how this small tradition always reminded me that I was adopted. Hearing the story of “got me day” and celebrating it, helped ensure this wasn’t a subject to hide, but to celebrate, rejoice and share with others. I feel like as an adopted child, it is good to celebrate the day that God made you a family. Little traditions like this help remind us of the thin threads God has in our lives and the blessings He has given to us. God made us a family almost 26 years ago, and I am sure on December 20th, new pictures will be taken of me with my feet in a stocking.

Marie Collier
Administrative Assistant

This is my "Hello"

I am adopted.

What does that mean?

There are so many different views on adoption, and it means so many things to many people.

For the birth mother it can mean pain, loss, and sacrifice.

For the adoptive parent it can mean an addition to their family, another mouth to feed, another hand to hold, and another person to love. Finding the missing piece to their family.

For the adopted child... it means the world. And in my posts I hope to give some perspective from me, an adopted child.

I have always known that my parents were not genetically my parents. However, never once did I think that they were not "mine". They are my mom and dad, and I am their daughter, their child. I was chosen. My mom and dad did not have to be parents. They had that choice. And they chose to love me, to adopt me, to make me theirs. And this is something I am proud of. I am proud to be able to say that I am adopted. It's not something I hide, or that is a sensative subject. It is who I am. Without the loving sacrifice of my birth mother, I would not be where I am now, or who I am now. My birth mother made the hardest decision of her life, and thought of me before herself. It was not a selfish decision; however, one of the most selfless decisions that can ever be made. Never once in my life have I doubted whether or not she loved me. She showed her love for me the day she decided that she wanted me to have a life she did not feel she could provide. And I have never felt like I did not belong to my mom and dad. I am blessed to have not only a mom and dad to love and that love me, but I also have a mother to love and who loves me so much that she selflessly carried me for 9 months and gave me life.

As I give my perspective as an adopted child, I hope to share some of my experiences, thoughts, feelings, and emotions with you. I look forward to sharing how my birth mother, my parents, Lifeline, and God have given me a hope and a future.

Marie Collier
Administrative Assistant